stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
