Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
