yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
