I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want to make out with him forever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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