if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
