Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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