Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
