Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
