i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm at about main and main street
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
