Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
