Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
