Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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