So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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