I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize