i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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