I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The feeling are messing with the penis
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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