I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize