you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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