So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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