I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
