My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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