I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
