My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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