your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh god it's open bar.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
