He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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