just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize