420 ftw
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
