they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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