i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
