Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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