The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
