I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize