Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
