I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
