i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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