people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
