I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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