there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
