i can't believe i had my finger in that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
