I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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