Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
