i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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