why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
