I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
