The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
