Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize