I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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