yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
