question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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