I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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