i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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