he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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