Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
