I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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