What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
