mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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