puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
