i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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