I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
