I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
