return my video game
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
