you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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