No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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