I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
