that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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