I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
