Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
