I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
