there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
