i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
