And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
