Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
