dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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