nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
