We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize