She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
