i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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