So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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