I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
whose parrot is this?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
