Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize