I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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