why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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